Identity

So I've been feeling challenged to share this for awhile, but have been hesitant the sake of being vulnerable... I hope that this encourages someone! Please excuse the length of it. Writing tends to be where I flow better. Skim if you'd like! I'm trusting Jesus will emphasise what He wants to emphasise. The last half is the most important!

Over the past two years I've started to struggle more with health symptoms such as intense fatigue, digestive issues, dizziness/vertigo, nausea, increased sensitivities to sound, light, chemicals, carpets, mold; anxiety, random pain in different parts of my body, arms going tingly/numb, trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, trouble with comprehension, forgetting what I'm talking about in the middle of a sentence (or before I start the sentence), forgetting what I'm doing, getting confused, and getting more frustrated than normal, quicker than normal with people or circumstances, even myself.

I'm already looking at this list and wanting to say it's not as bad as it seems! To make myself look better. Yep. Still got some of that "what will people think" going on!

So, these symptoms started affecting my life in increasing ways.

In guitar class last semester, I found that while I had grown up used to being the star music pupil always, this was no longer the case. I didn't have the energy to practice the 8-10 hours a week I was supposed to. I found myself in class, listening to the teacher and being so slow that I couldn't keep up. I would try to play something and freeze in the middle of it, my fingers feeling clumsy and thick and my brain confused. I felt like I had a learning/mental disorder!  I felt embarrassed and humbled, and wanted to defend myself and say that really I was better than that. Yet I found myself comforted in the fact that if I ever adopted children with those kinds of special needs, I would be able to understand them more :)

I had been a worship leader for 3 semesters in a row in student worship teams. The first semester in August 2013 was the best! I had so much fun interacting with my team, challenging ourselves with things like fun jazz chord progressions, and getting us to sing a whole worship song in a tribal language of Mozambique, complete with a different style of music :D We dove into the word together, interceded together, encountered God together and for me it was a breakthrough as I had run away from worship leading and struggled with the idea of it for a long time before. My second semester was equally as good but challenging as I didn't have an associate leader to share the load with. I would find that I would finish some sets exhausted and needing to sit still for awhile to recover. I was also not able to stand as much in singing lessons and had random pain that hurt more from exerting myself singing. I remember talking to the Lord about it and wondering if I had some horrible illness... (He said, "You are Mine and you'll be fine." :D I haven't always held on to that but thankfully He's with us through our ups, downs and forgetfulness of His words!)

The third semester worship leading was the hardest as all my symptoms were worse. I wanted to quit worship leading but was encouraged to stay by my supervisor. They gave me leniency in going home early from sets. I sat most sets (you always sing better standing), found it hard to pastorally care for my team and harder to get along with different personalities. Even some people's voices were of the timbre that just vibrated wrong and caused me to stress/have slight pain/want to run away or punch people in the face (anxiety and stress hormones are weird things). Again I felt stressed out about my reputation before people - thinking of how I would become known as the one who was snappy, grumpy, and not gracious towards others. I knew that I couldn't worship lead the next semester, even though I wanted to.

The last year I've been a singer on teams, and even that has been hard to sustain. I have not been practicing (don't tell!), because it uses up too much energy and that can cause me to crash/symptoms to flare up. I've had to cross my legs/lean back into my seat/cross my arms and hold the mic in order to be able to stay sitting up. I have felt like a bad student or someone who doesn't know anything about singing. I've been mostly singing in the third singer position (we only have 3 singers) which in the past has been fine with me! Yet besides the normal singer accusations we struggle with like "my voice is bad", "I have nothing to add", I've felt my pride in my reputation again be brought to the surface.

Two of the main callings I've heard from the Lord have been: "Release the prophetic sound over nations" and "Will you carry the spirit of adoption to the nations?".

"How can I do what I'm called to do, what I'm MADE for while I'm sick like this?" I found myself thinking, again and again. "I can't worship lead. I can hardly even go to church or the prayer room because the bass, the noise level and the amount of people overwhelm me". I would find myself looking frequently toward the door in classes because the voice of the teacher was louder than I could handle. I would go to church and find myself falling asleep sitting up while Ryan Kondo was leading songs with awesome dance beats (i.e., songs you would normally find impossible to fall asleep in unless you were a 2yr old). I would sit there almost in the front row and Fall Asleep. As time went by it changed to heart racing, panic, needing to leave the building and go home. I felt so bad for leaving early because I've always been the type of person that has to get places on time or early, and who has to stay until the time we're expected to stay. Integrity is one of the things I've prayed about and sought after. A few times I tried to stay in church longer, to honour whoever was speaking and to honour what I had signed up for. I remember staying through worship once, and into the preaching. I suddenly started sobbing. Loudly and uncontrollably and almost hyperventilating at the same time because my body couldn't take the noises and vibrations anymore. A friend had to lead me out the building and drive me home.

I couldn't serve in any way at school. I couldn't commit to anything socially because even just 5-10 minutes of talking to someone would exhaust me. I couldn't commit. I couldn't get assignments in on time. I felt like people didn't believe me that I was sick because I didn't "look" sick, most of the time. I mean you know, the stuffy nose, funny face, funny voice kind of sick. I didn't get that. It was all the other symptoms I had which when I went to get tested at the doctors, all the results came out normal. Lots of blood tests, heart tests, ultrasounds, even a fun CT scan!

And OH my reputation! What did I look like? I thought. They'll think I'm crazy! They'll think I'm trying to get out of everything! They'll think I'm not reliable! They don't believe me. They think I'm lying. Am I lying? Am I making this up?

I couldn't travel at all because it would make me sicker. I couldn't worship lead. I hardly had energy to play piano or guitar. I had to stop serving at kids church check in on Sundays. I knew that there would be no way that I would be able to look after a child. What if I ended up sick my whole life? I could never adopt. Never even marry because I had to move out from my roommate situation and live alone so that I would actually be able to sleep (sensitive to all sounds and lights...). What would my purpose be?

I had been looking forward for a while to the externships that all students in my major are required to do in order to graduate. I was hoping to go to Brazil, Amsterdam or possibly Eurasia for a semester to serve in a house of prayer there and take IHOPU classes online at the same time. I was so excited to possibly have the chance to use my Portuguese or beginnings of Eurasian language learning to serve another nation! However being sick cut out those options.

I was so excited then when I found out that the Orphan Justice Center was running an externship that Summer. As an international student a domestic externship in the Summer was the only option available to me, and OJC was originally not going to be doing that. If you read a couple years back in this blog, my heart was wrecked by Jesus for the American orphan while in Mozambique and I had been wanting to volunteer with OJC since 2013, but felt like Jesus didn't want me to put extra things on my schedule. So getting to do this externship was actually SUCH a great alternative to going overseas!

Leading up to the externship, I was so worried thinking I would have to quit before it began, because I felt like I wouldn't be able to fulfil the requirements. I remember emailing the externship co-ordinator, then talking to her on orientation day about it. Then God encountered me during orientation even though it was just sitting around a table and talking about schedule, expectations and logistics! So I went ahead with the externship, expecting that I'd have to quit in the first week. Wednesday of that week was our first "Malachi 4:6" set where we have a prayer meeting which is designed to be family friendly - specifically accommodating for adoptive and special needs kids to be able to connect with God and take part in the prayer meeting. We were told to just enjoy the set and connect with God ourselves, because it was our first time and we didn't know all the kids yet. God encountered me again as we sang about Him being a good Father and how He wanted to heal, that nothing was impossible for Him!... yet I still found myself crying from the vibrations and noises by the time half an hour had passed. At the end of the set a couple of interns and others gathered around to pray for me as I shared what was going on and my fear that I wouldn't be able to continue.

God ended up giving me SO much grace during externship! I was able to do more than I should have been able to with the kids. I had grace from leaders to take it easy when I needed to. The OJC family came around me constantly in prayer, speaking truth into my life and reminding me to sit down when I would have ended up pushing myself in order to prove my worth (Heidi Baker: "When you're tired, sit down!" sorry random bunny trail). I had never experienced anything like that where my worth was being consistently validated NOT because of what I did (mainly never experienced it because I had always had the ability to "do")! I found that I was able to do most service hours even though sometimes all I did was sit there - and love on kids even though I would end up sleeping most of the day in between :)

I learned how much of my identity had actually been in my ability to serve; to "do" ministry; to be there for others. Yet when all my own strength was taken away, I was shown by the body that I was loved, accepted, and taken care of. I got 3 of my wisdom teeth taken out halfway through externship and was SO taken care of by the team!

How about you? If your ability to do the ministry you've been used to, to do the job you've been used to, to take care of your kids (believing this doesn't happen), gets completely taken away, will you feel like you are worth something to God? To people?

I guess I have had the privilege of finding this out.

I wrote this in the first few weeks of externship:

"It's so easy for us to find our identity in what we do, not who we are. Also there is sometimes no way to tell that that is where our identity has accidentally found itself until our physical ability to "serve" and "do" is taken away. It is hard for me to not be able to DO more and SERVE more and do what the Lord has gifted me to do - But He is just so proud of me even when I can't do anything! He says "well done", and He says that I am not a burden..."

I'm still on the path to full healing, and I still sometimes struggle with accusation and am fighting for truth. But I have been set in a family and am already so much better than I was earlier. I am thankful that Jesus has used this to teach me more about my identity, and is still teaching me! I hope this has encouraged someone today! And I so appreciate your prayers, whenever Jesus prompts you :)


PS I am taking lots of vitamin C, B-complex, other great supplements, am resting a lot more, go out in the fresh air every day (I have a dog and she's great therapy), and have cut out most grains, all sugar and all dairy except good quality butter... just for those out there who will want to help me by suggesting things :) I think I'm on a good path right now. :)

Might upload more from my externship in the next weeks!

"That is authentic leadership in its clearest form—the willingness of people to die for their beliefs, knowing that Christ will vindicate them and give them the gift of eternal life. Thankfully, most of us will never have to experience that kind of leadership challenge..." Albert Mohler, "The Conviction to Lead" p24

I remember back in 2011 preparing to travel with a team throughout Latin America. Part of what our team was planning was to go deep into the Amazon jungle. Leading up to this trip I had a season of having to process with the Lord about whether I was ready to die a martyr - because it could happen! I remember also as a vocal student at IHOPU, studying out a biblical passage to sing through. I was studying the word martyr and found that some people talk about red martyrs being ones who die a violent death for their belief in Christ. Whereas they also talk about white martyrs, who die daily to themselves in order to choose Jesus in every part of their lives. "White" martyrdom can almost be harder than "red" martyrdom! Authentic leadership then, I believe consists of beliefs so strong that they define the leader and it is obvious to themselves and others that they live a life of conviction, "dying" daily to anything that does not fall in line with those convictions. Their reward, just as it is for the "red" martyr, is Christ Himself. They are alive because He lives, and they live for His purpose alone!

“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So then death is working in us, but life in you.” (2 Cor 4:7)

Prayer as the Foundation for ALL Ministry

Can you do it without prayer?

Entering into the 2nd quarter of this school year
My class was given our first report assignment for Practical and Pastoral Theology. We have to go through and find every scripture in the OT that relates to this question, every scripture in the NT, take into account theological doctrines, historical and sociological issues and find two opinions one from a dead person and one from someone alive.

Here is just some of the what my group found - it is in it's roughest form but still SO SO good!

Most of the scriptures in the OT that my group found were related to individuals praying for God's mercy - that He would not destroy a city or people in His judgement! (So there you go - intercession!)

NT scriptures: Jesus taught on prayer; He lived a life of prayer; the acts church was always having prayer meetings; when crisis hit, they ran to prayer; the apostles prayed for the church; they commanded them to pray without ceasing.

Every theological doctrine relates to this issue of prayer. Every single one. I'll just mention one here: Ecclesiology: the study of the Church. Through prayer the Church is strengthened, unified and has communion with God. Prayer allows the Church to partner with God, interceding for the sick, the lost, world events etc.

Historically and Sociologically, there has been great reform and even nationwide healing through corporate times of prayer and fasting, for example:

John Wesley:
John Wesley was deeply affected by the Moravians and their spiritual strength and joy in the Lord and the Moravian prayer vigil, he gathered friends to pray through the night. That night of intercession on January 1, 1739 changed the course of British and American history. He continued to impact Europe and North America along with his brother Charles and George Whitfield. He encouraged Christians to become active in social reform. He supervised the education of lay preachers to educate the people in small cell groups where discipline and faithfulness were learned. These preachers sold and distributed Christian books providing people with spiritual food. He spoke out against slave trade and encouraged William Wilberforce in his antislavery crusade. 

Uganda: In 2002, war-torn Uganda was under severe spiritual oppression with a demonic three family members claiming to be the trinity, with the most notable person being Joseph Kony claiming the role of Jesus. He evaded authorities by seeking demonic council who would warn him of attacks. After he had kidnapped thousands of children from a christian school, the church earnestly sought the Lord in prayer, fasting and evangelistic gatherings. The nation’s president provided church leaders armed escorts to dismantle Kony’s demonic alters, and Kony reported he was unable to hear from his spirit guides and fled the country. Miraculously, thousands of abducted children were returned to their families.

Opinion from someone no longer living:
EM Bounds:
"A prayerful ministry is the only ministry qualified for the high offices and responsibilities of the preacher. Colleges, learning, books, theology, preaching cannot make a preacher, but praying does. The apostles' commission to preach was a blank till filled up by the Pentecost which praying brought. A prayerful minister has passed beyond the regions of the popular, beyond the man of mere affairs, of secularities, of pulpit attractiveness; passed beyond the ecclesiastical organizer or general into a sublimer and mightier region, the region of the spiritual. Holiness is the product of his work; transfigured hearts and lives emblazon the reality of his work, its trueness and substantial nature. God is with him. His ministry is not projected on worldly or surface principles. He is deeply stored with and deeply schooled in the things of God. His long, deep communings with God about his people and the agony of his wrestling spirit have crowned him as a prince in the things of God. The iciness of the mere professional has long since melted under the intensity of his praying.

The superficial results of many a ministry, the deadness of others, are to be found in the lack of praying. No ministry can succeed without much praying, and this praying must be fundamental, ever-abiding, ever-increasing. The text, the sermon, should be the result of prayer. The study should be bathed in prayer, all its duties so impregnated with prayer, its whole spirit the spirit of prayer. "

Living person opinion:
Dr Heidi Baker, PhD
“The first part of your calling is intimacy with Him. If you are not in love with Jesus, I loudly cry, “Quit!” until you find His love so that you can carry it to others.” Compelled By Love p144

“Missions and ministry are simply about laid-down passion at the foot of the cross, praying, “Possess me, Holy Spirit, that I might be conformed into the image of Jesus. Let me reflect the majesty of who He is.” Let Jesus love you first so that you can love others as He did. When you lose yourself inside His huge heart, you find only pure joy in Him”. Compelled By Love p144

Will You Fight?

"I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser.  Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.  You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.

 “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.  If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.  If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.  By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples." John 15:1-8 (I wanted to quote the whole of John 15, but I know that the more is quoted, the less tends to be read!)

Hi Precious Friends and Family :)

So I was reading a book by Bodie and Brock Thoene. If you've never read their books before, basically they are extremely well researched historical fiction. To the extent of extremely well researched in Hebrew and Jewish culture and even going deeper into the text of the original scripture :) :) Some of their books are set in the time of Hitler and the formation of the state of Israel in 1948. Some series are set in the time of Jesus. I recommend their books to anyone!

I was reading this book called "When Jesus Wept". In this particular scene, David ben Lazarus (Lazarus who was raised from the grave) was the owner of a great vineyard. There was a plague of locusts and while Herod Antipas' vineyard was destroyed, Lazarus' vineyard was saved. Why?

From the book:
Jesus: "How did your vines survive and Herod's did not?"
Lazarus: "We fought to save them. Patrick, my servant, fought because now he's won his freedom. Samson, my vinedresser, fought because he loves me and loves these vines as if they are his own. We didn't give up. And when the oil from the smudge pots was gone and we could do no more, the Lord sent a wind and a flock of quail to eat the locusts."
Jesus focused on the contrast. "How is it that the vineyard of Herod is completely stripped? Not a shred of green remains. All his crop lost."
It was a simple question. Easy to answer. "The labourers hired by Herod's overseer gave up before the battle began. When the insects dropped down, the men didn't fight to drive them off. They were paid to work, but they have no love for the vineyard. No care for the outcome. It's nothing to them if everything is lost."
[Jesus replied]: "The hireling doesn't care, but the one who owns the land and plants, and the vinedresser who tends the vines, now there are lions who will fight to save the vineyard!"

I read this and was struck by thinking about who is the vine (JESUS) and who are the branches (me, you, the kids in Mozambique, every believer...)

So, He said to me in that moment of realisation:

"Will you fight?"

Will I fight? Do I truly love the vineyard (thinking of Jesus the vine and his people the branches)?

Intercessor, will YOU fight!

Yes I will! Because of my love I will fight in prayer and obedience! Jesus is worthy of His inheritance from every nation, tribe and tongue! He is worthy of wholehearted love!

Now just to clarify: HE is the one who fights for us- the Father is the vinedresser. But because I am His - because I was bought by the blood of the lamb, set FREE by the blood of the lamb; because I am released from my sins by the blood of Jesus - I am now free to minister with Jesus as royalty, as a priest! (Revelation 1:5-7). I will fight WITH my Jesus, FOR my Jesus, and for HIS heart, HIS people!

I will go to Brazil and help coordinate this 24/7 house of prayer in Fortaleza with a small team of myself and 4 others... 24/7 for 31 days! (Holy Spirit help us). I will go to Brazil and love the prostitute, the trafficked, the child who has never known freedom... I will go to Brazil and commit myself to unity with my team and to serve, teach, train, and lift up the Brazilian church to become labourers in the house of prayer, calling forth Jesus' purpose for the nations and to become abolitionists of human trafficking in their own nation!

I will go to Mozambique and lift up the hands of my Iris family who are labouring in Pemba, where the floods have devastated the villages, the roads, people's lives... where Iris doesn't have enough to even rebuild some of missionaries homes which were destroyed (all are safe), yet are working hard to do what they can for their friends in the villages.

I will also come back to Kansas City and commit myself to growth - being equipped and able to give more to those He sends me to!

I will pray. I will love. I will go! I will commit myself to living out a life of truth, integrity, standing for King Jesus and preaching (AND teaching) the whole gospel of the coming Kingdom, so that the Lamb will receive His reward. I will sing, I will pray, I will fight for the heart of my King!

Will you fight?

What does it look like for you to fight in your sphere, the place God has planted you? I would love to hear from you :)

Much love and prayers
Serena xoxo


Praise!
I am loving this house the Lord has set me in! My 4 housemates are from America and from the Ivory Coast in Africa. 2 are on nightwatch and 2 on days. 3 are in IHOPU and one is saving up for it next semester! We are between the ages of 21 and 27! They all love the Lord and I am soo happy HE has set me here! Of course there are challenges like how to handle noise from neighbours (townhouses, very thin walls, I have been an extreme light sleeper), but the housemates make all the difference! Plus, the weather is getting warmer and we are in a predominantly black neighbourhood - we have kids of all ages playing in the front yard, back yard and across the street! sooo cute!!

Prayer requests:
Continued physical healing and to walk in complete health!
Intimacy with the Father, with the Son, with Holy Spirit...
Grace to be able to do everything which is required of me schoolwork wise... I want to have the ability to soak up, retain and grow fruit from everything I can!
Grace to lead my worship team well. To prepare well, to set them up for success, and to love well.
Grace to labour in the house of prayer (yes, intercessory prayer is both a joy and a labour!)
Abundant provision soon, for tickets for Brazil and Mozambique.

Random fact:
It was 82F degrees (28C) yesterday. Today was thunderstorms almost ALL day. Tomorrow it is going to snow. Oh Kansas City.

Brazil- Liberdade 2014

So... I'm going to Brazil.

What?

Liberdade - it means "freedom" in portuguese. 

I have the opportunity to go with Exodus Cry, a department of the International House of Prayer Kansas City, which exists for the ending of human trafficking.
Liberdade is the project to partner with the nation and church of Brazil in prayer and intervention leading up to and during the 2014 FIFA World Cup. The World Cup will see an increase in the demand for commercial sex in each of the 12 cities it is being held.

"The battle for human trafficking will never be won in the courts of men until it is won first won in the courts of heaven through the prevailing prayers of the saints" - Benji Nolot

I believe that prayer is the most effective strategy that we have for ending this injustice. In prayer, we are partnering with the Lord's heart, partnering with the Great Intercessor Himself: Jesus Christ, and saying that we want to weep with Him, we want to rejoice with Him, and we want to be a part of releasing HIS purposes on earth as it is in heaven! It is out of this culture of prayer and intimacy with Him (in the red light districts of each city) that we will be fueled to go out onto the streets in intervention teams to the ones He loves.

More about Exodus Cry:

Exodus Cry: Every Person Should be Free from Exodus Cry on Vimeo.

Exodus Cry seeks to mobilize a 24/7 prayer room within the red-light areas in
each of the 12 host cities that will pray for 31 days, the entirety of the World Cup, for the ending of sex trafficking and spiritual awakening in the nation. 

Out of this 24/7 prayer reality, intervention teams will be sent into the red-light areas to reach out to those being exploited.

I will specifically be going as part of a team to Fortaleza, which is on the North-East coast of Brazil. It is a city of over 500 favelas, and is known for it's trafficking, corruption, gangs and inequality. It is currently said that Fortaleza is the capital of child sex tourism in the Americas, and ranked 3rd in the world. But I know that the Lord does not agree with this! 

The LORD has great plans for the children, the women and the men of Fortaleza. HE has great plans for His church! Fortaleza is also known as the land of light, and I know that there are believers in Fortaleza who are believing this and claiming this truth about this city. It is a place for the light of JESUS CHRIST to shine and for the church of Fortaleza to be a light to the nations, as well as being sent out to the nations to preach Christ and Him crucified. To be the hands and feet of Jesus and to spread the good news of His mercy and freedom!

Here is a 7 minute video on what the Lord has been stirring in my heart for Fortaleza...

My team has the privilege of partnering with Iris Fortaleza for this trip, which I am so excited about because it is like my two families are coming together! Iris and IHOP-KC!

So, how am I preparing for this trip?

• Learning portuguese - I'm using apps, a course from the library, and spending time translating self assigned portions of the bible, songs and other books to force myself to learn more :)
• Serving in the Portuguese team - I am an intercessor in the All Nations Prayer Room at IHOP-KC, where most of our team are Brazilian portuguese speakers, and one is even South African, with Mozambican and Portuguese heritage! (Jesus loves me so much)
• Training - our combined teams are having training at Exodus Cry here in KC, in the offices as well as on the streets (yes the United States is the 3rd largest destination for human trafficking. This happens all around the world. YOUR country likely has human slavery going on right now. Pray and get aware!
• Prayer - I am asking for more of FATHER'S heart, JESUS' heart through HOLY SPIRIT for His Bride in Brazil. And this prayer is already being answered... I am praying over Brazil, singing over Brazil, and sitting at HIS feet asking for HIS heart!

http://www.ihopkc.org/anpr/#asset/140313_ANPR_2000/auto/true Go to 0:42 mins - praying out of Eph 1 for a spirit of wisdom and revelation – encounters, the raising up of intercessory singers and musicians out of the youth in Belo Horizonte (Beautiful Horizon) – one of the cities for the World Cup. 0:46 mins is praying that they would know the exceeding power He has to them that believe. Visions and dreams. That they would step out for righteousness and justice.

http://www.ihopkc.org/anpr/#asset/140320_ANPR_2000/auto/true Go to 1hr 30secs - praying for the children in Iris bases in Mozambique out of Eph 3 (a lot of people are away in this meeting! But it was such a sweet time).

In Brazil
I will be spending at least 6 hours a day in the prayer room, 6 days a week
At least 3 days a week I will also be a part of outreaches (as intervention teams on the street). I am section leading for Fortaleza so am assuming it will be more time than this, and of course it will be day to day life in loving the ones who are in front of me :) and letting myself be loved by my Papa God, and my team.

Mozambique
The Lord also gave me the sweetest invitation to go to Mozambique right after Brazil, for around a month until school starts again. I will be putting my hand to whatever the Lord gives, and am so excited to see my Pemba Iris family again, and get to sit in on classes with Mama Heidi and Papa Rolland and others! There is always plenty to be done in Pemba, and I am open to whatever HE needs me in most. It will also be partly a time of refreshing after Brazil, as school will start as soon as I arrive back in Kansas City.

Time period: 2 1/2 months
Brazil approx 5th June - 17th July 2014.
Mozambique approx 17th July to 16th August 2014.

Most teams already have their tickets or are getting them this week. As it is the World cup, tickets are selling out fast, so I'm asking the Lord for the ability to buy plane tickets ASAP in His timing! :)

Flights all up, if I can buy tickets asap, come to $3200 for both Brazil and Mozambique all the way there and all the way back from Kansas City ☺ I’m quite excited about this as the original quote was over a thousand more! Praise Jesus for cheap flights! KC→ Chicago Bus; Chicago → Sao Paolo plane; Sao Paolo → Fortaleza → Sao Paolo plane; Sao Paolo → Maputo, → Pemba → Maputo → Sao Paolo → Chicago plane; Chicago → KC bus ☺

Total estimated budget: (high end is more flexibility/able to give more)
Low End: $5100
High End: $5500

Ask me if you would like more information on the budget breakdown ☺

If you would like to partner with me in prayer, keep in touch see below for a prayer guide for Liberdade! If you would like to partner financially, let me know as well ☺ We can see the Lord move on behalf of the nation of Brazil, together!

More information:

http://exoduscry.com/liberdade - you can download a Brazil field guide, as well as a 31 day prayer guide to join us in prayer leading up to and throughout the World Cup.
http://irisbrasil.org - Iris Fortaleza website

His Sovereignty!!

So, I haven't blogged in awhile!!! Partly this has been because of just not being sure what to write, partly because of going through some harder situations lately which made it hard to write, and partly it has been because of waiting on the Lord... Partly it has been even that I've sort of felt like I don't have any really "exciting" amazing miracle stories to share. Yet even then there is so much I would have liked to share had I been able to write... Anyway, I was sitting down a couple days ago with a friend/mentor of mine and she reminded me of the importance of journalling. Of journalling what the Lord is sharing with me, of little breakthroughs here and there in my current faith journey of getting to another country, and even the impact of blogging as so many are impacted and encouraged by the testimony of what HE does in our lives... So, here I am again! and I will try to do better with speaking forth those things He has me share!

A few little things I'm excited about:

For the past 2 to 3 years I've been asking the Lord here and there about visiting a certain amazing ministry here in the states, or even interning with them. It's not like I haven't had opportunities to go, yet the Lord has not yet released me. Yet here I am now and the Lord asked me to go to a different country far away; impressing on me a friend who has recently moved there (except I haven't met her yet, but I love her already!), to join her for a short time in whatever HE is doing! It just so happens to be that she was with this ministry in the states for 2 years, and therefore has the DNA as well as Iris DNA... Basically what I'm trying to say is, HE hasn't asked me or released me to go visit this ministry which is right here in the states, yet HE has provided for me to GO and visit a friend and connection of that ministry in a country way far away!

Sometimes there may be opportunities that are closer and easier and along the same lines of what you feel called to and want to do, yet they aren't what the Lord has for you. WAIT on HIM and HE will guide you to the right place and time!

Basically, I've had another miracle story of provision... HE has provided a cheaper flight for me just this morning, saving me a few hundred dollars in airfares of the cheapest flight I could find earlier on (the new fare is just over 2 thirds of the original price which is huge!) and while I will have to take a bus to a train to a plane in a different city instead of just going to the airport here, it is still WAY cheaper and kinda more fun, more dependent on Jesus to do it this way :) This is just truth here by the way. Some people wonder how I can be continuously "travelling" all the time... Well, He provides when He wants me to go somewhere. And honestly sometimes it takes more effort and time and long overnight layovers at different airports... and choosing the simple lifestyle :) HE always provides for HIS daughter though :)

I'm writing this at my bedtime on the nightwatch schedule, so I apologise if it isn't very well written!  Thank You Lord I get to go to bed after this!

I just really felt to share about His awesome sovereignty in knowing exactly where we are meant to be at the right times! I'm going to blog again in the next couple days and share the story of how I ended up committing to go where I'm going! It was HIS idea not mine!

Love you all who read this!!

Please pray, for INTIMACY; STRENGTH to keep pressing in and believing for HIS heart for the people and nation I am going to; for GRACE to finish up with school finals well; for my BROTHER's visit in a few days time!!! for HEALTH - big one; for HIS WILL on earth as in HEAVEN!; for PROTECTION and for PROVISION - I still need provision for a visa, for bus tickets (cheap), for another plane ticket inside the destination country (cheap) and other expenses... :) :) I am SO excited about all HE is doing!! Thank You JESUS!! Pray for my family, too :) :)

...HE WILL have HIS way in the nations, whether we partner with HIM or not!! But oh, that HE would have HIS way fully in my own heart... this privilige we have, to partner with HIM... to be friends who pray, weep, love, rejoice with Him!

Be still, and know that I am GOD.
I WILL be exalted in the nations, I WILL be exalted in the earth!
Psalm 46:10

August update

At the moment, I'm in the middle of half switching to night watch (and waiting for approval to be on the Night Watch as it is a very intense schedule for a Music student at IHOPU. I have to write out exactly when I'm going to be eating and sleeping etc)... My heart is yearning to go deeper in my relationship with my God, and to be deeper in the word. I want more change from the inside out and know that I will find that in the Night Seasons. I also know it will enable me to pray more effectively for my friends in the nations.

This means I'll be in the prayer room 5nights a week from 2am-6am, plus Sunday's from 6-8am and extra briefings which I'm so excited about! I am also approved to worship lead in some capacity this semester, which is in my student worship labs 3 days a week 8am-12pm.

This semester in addition to music classes, worship/intercession labs and Sacred Trust (prayer hours), I have a class in 'Basic Christian Beliefs' which is like Systematic Theology and also another class on the 'Song of Solomon'. I am really excited about the Basic Christian Beliefs class because it's taught by Jono Hall who I've heard marks really hard- he's British and has a degree in Law from Exeter University. I'm excited to write papers for someone who marks hard!! I am also so excited because Shelly Hundley is teaching my song of Solomon class and she used to be a missionary kid in Colombia and she loves Holy Spirit as a good friend and is really prophetic.

It has become my heart to be able to do all 4 years of IHOPU and be able to be a part of the House of Prayer Leadership track - which starts in 3rd year... I'm beginning my 2nd one. My goal IS to become a HEALTHY leader who LOVES WELL even under pressure. We will see, semester by semester, if that is the Lord's plan for me to do all the rest of the 4 years in one go :) I do know that I am meant to be here in THIS season at THIS time.

I really feel that this is a season of training the Lord has set me in to help me become a better leader who LOVES people WELL. I feel it's a lot about heart surgery, healing and character development. Lessons in humility, self-discipline, loving and serving my worship team well... I want to make the most of this semester with what the Lord has put in my hands to do and most of all to go deeper in the place of intimacy with the Lord. I want to be a Friend of the Bridegroom and be entrusted with the secrets, burdens and joys of HIS heart! (this is the JOY of Intercession!! being HIS Friend!!)

So again, thank you for praying for me and supporting me :) I really value your friendship in my life :)

SIDE NOTE: Extra because I feel this could encourage someone :)

School starts Monday morning!! I am truly so grateful to the Lord for the delay in provision just because of the amount of sifting and searching He has done in my own heart... I became open to the thought that maybe I wasn't in the right place? Maybe the Lord didn't want me in school this semester and wanted me back in Mozambique? Or Nepal or even Lord, if YOU want me in a completely new place... Maybe now was the time that I was supposed to make the "long term committment" of 2 years in whichever country with Iris? Through the last 2 days of intense time spent with Jesus - I've gotten to the point of surrender, knowing that JESUS IS WORTH IT ALL, EVERY NATION, EVERY SOUL, and that I am willing to go ANYWHERE HE WANTS me to be! For the sake of ONE nation, and even ONE soul... and I have also gotten to the point of KNOWING again that I am supposed to be here. As soon as I got to that point of KNOWING within myself that I'm in the right place... literally within about 1/2 an hour, the bulk of my down payment came through from somebody I don't know who!! So, the LORD KNOWS our hearts! I do want to use this testimony to encourage YOU that if things are hard right now, USE this opportunity from the Lord to really let HIM do some soul searching, and do it yourself - find out if you really HAVE given this season in your life completely to the LORD - find out where your heart REALLY is in HIM!! OH there is so much JOY in the pressure and squeezing and delay!! Thank you JESUS!

Also, this reminded me of the time I was in Mozambique waiting to get my passport back from Moz immigration so that I could have my interview with the US embassy to get into America for IHOP for the first time... the breakthrough came once I decided in my heart - once my MINDSET shifted - and I KNEW I was doing exactly what the LORD had for me. There is no plan B.