Lately I've been kept awake at nights - partly because the heater white noise isn't coming on because it's trying to becoming Spring (it was 82F/27C today.. Thursday it might snow :/ ) - and partly because I am lying awake consumed with thoughts about this latest vision the Lord has given me and this week just happens to be very crucial in the timing of it all. (I'll share more as it happens! Just know it is VERY on the Lord's heart).
I've been worried that this vision has been becoming larger in my heart than God Himself, and I NEVER want that to happen. Yet it is just taking up SO MUCH of my thoughts, mental space and emotions!!
I'm one of those people you might call a "visionary". These people are such that once they get an idea, they run full force ahead with it, at least in their minds, researching it and finding out as much as they can, even connecting people together if it involves people; they look at all angles and possibilities to see how this idea CAN come to pass and it CAN be done! Because of course it can! Anything, if it's from the Lord, is possible! It is all possible in HIS perfect timing and HIS perfect wisdom, strength and ability! It just takes chasing HIM first...
So, I'm lying here tonight, and thinking of how I don't want my passion for the task to exceed my passion for the Creator... Im saying to Him how I want to know Him and to run the race well, to fight the good fight. And He says to me,
"Serena, you just keep Chasing after Me. Go after what I've put on your heart and seek to Know Me in the middle of it all, seek to walk in the way I would do it... Seek to know Me in the middle of it all. And I'll take care of your heart."
You see, I've been worrying about my heart. And yet HE is the only one who knows my heart. I actually don't even know if this vision He's given me is becoming bigger than Him. Of course there's some times when you KNOW that it's bigger and more important and of course then, you are responsible to know your heart and talk to Him and do what you need to to make JESUS first again. But when there's times where you're not sure... He says: "[your name here], just chase after me and seek to live out My heart in My ways... And I'll look after your heart." phew.
Let's not get all tied up in knots needlessly. Yes we need to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. Check our hearts. But if we're not sure - the answer is, bring HIM into everything. Continue to READ His WORD back to front. Talk to HIM constantly. Have HIM constantly before your eyes and your thoughts. And It will be okay :)
I bind my mind to the mind of Christ. I bind my heart to the heart of the Father. Holy Spirit, thank You that You are with me. Please remind me of everything that Jesus taught and how to live imitating HIM. Let me flow with You minute by minute, breath by breath. Let my only thoughts be Jesus' and my only emotions be out of the Father's heart. In Jesus' Mighty Name, Amen!